I don’t want to talk about this

I met with a nurse practitioner at work for the second time today.  She and I are working on my health goals, primary of which being lose this weight for once and for all.  It didn’t go well.  I’m back up to the highest weight I was at last year.  I’m miserable.  I’m frustrated.

So.  I’m meeting with her again on Tuesday.   And I’ll meet with her again the week after that.  And I’ll keep on meeting with her every week until I’ve got a handle on this, at which time I’ll drop down to seeing her every other week.  And she’ll have me weigh-in on the scale in Medical.  And she’ll ask if I’ve been logging my food.  And what I’ve been doing to exercise.  And ask all the uncomfortable questions that someone apparently needs to ask me in order to keep me on track.

I cried in her office this afternoon just because I’m so frustrated.  And embarrassed.  And stressed.

Justin and I  walked through Best Buy yesterday just for the fun of seeing what cool toys were out (not that we could buy anything) and I tried out one of those new Kinect games.  The stupid thing takes pictures while you’re thrashing around like an idiot!  The pictures were so embarrassing.

Anyway.  I don’t really want to talk about it.  But, you know, it’s us.  And this is what we talk about with each other.  Plus, it’s what’s on my brain.

So there you have it.

2 thoughts on “I don’t want to talk about this”

  1. You know, I was just thinking about the “not talking” thing tonight. It wasn’t about not talking about any one particular thing. It was more of a revelation that the choice not to talk about things can seem like a good idea right away, but it often turns out to be a disaster in the end. Does that make sense?
    I’m so sorry you’re feeling miserable and frustrated. Does it sometimes feel like food betrays us? It calls to us, it smells so good, it tastes so good, it feels so comforting on a cold/sad/boring/ day, but then it turns on us and makes us feel bloated, lethargic and uncomfortable in our clothes. It doesn’t seem fair.
    I’m so glad you have someone to talk to about it and someone who will ask you the hard questions.
    Your birthday is only about a month a way. Maybe you could make a goal that you could meet by your birthday.

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your weight loss frustration. I can, of course, empathize, since I’ve struggled with it my entire adult life. It doesn’t really matter what the number on the scale says, if you feel you are not in control of what you are eating. Don’t think that Amy and I couldn’t understand because we don’t weigh what you do. We totally understand the frustrated, out-of-control feeling.

    That said, I’m glad you have someone to hold you accountable. For me, that makes all the difference. When I quit WeightWatchers, the weight came right back on. I was still tracking, sort of. But I wasn’t being weighed in. Still, it seems I have as many bad days as good. All that saves me, really, is the insane amount of exercise I have to do as part of my job.

    So the problem isn’t the weight as much as the awful feeling of it having control of you rather than vice versa. I’m sure that once you see that you are in control again, you will feel encouraged. I agree that setting goals would be good, but I would also advise setting adherence goals – so many days in a row of tracking, so many days of not having seconds. That sort of thing. The weight will come off if the behaviors are what they should be.

    Beyond that, I guess we all need to identify what it is that makes us eat unwisely some days. Is it stress? Is it frustration? Is is discontent? What are we looking for and how could be achieve it in a different way?

    I don’t have the answers. I simply understand the struggle.

    I love you and can’t wait to see you in a week!

    Mom

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