I drove myself in to work this morning, which was a strange alteration from the norm. Justin didn’t have to work today, due to a summer-slump in the business (normal and not worth worrying about—as soon as the client signs the contract, he’ll have plenty of work again), so he stayed home and I took the car. We’re both very glad that this is not the norm, but we’re both looking forward to me having my own car.
The whole thing has made me very contemplative today, though.
When I started looking for a new car, I knew that I wanted something small and fuel-efficient and fun. So I looked at the Smart fortwo. And I realized that one of the things that bothered me about it (besides the unavailability of the car) was that there were no rear seats. And I had to think about why this bothered me. And I realized that if I’m looking for a car that’s going to last me for ten years or so, then there are some very large things I need to take into consideration. Like the likelihood that I’m going to go completely against the whole “I’m never going to have children” thing that I’ve been saying for years.
And I have to take a moment here to take a deep breath. Oh, boy. Kids? Me? Ack!
But the more I think about it and the more I get to know Justin, the less terrified I am of the idea. Not that I’ve completely gotten over my concerns, but . . . I might be willing to give it a try sometime. Oh, but not anytime soon. Oh, gosh, no! Give me some more time to get used to the idea. And he’s really going to have to work to convince me to have two of them. He should just start praying for twins right now.
Anyway. Back to the cars. I realized that if we’re going to have children, and, you know, the possibility is out there now, then I’ll want to have a secure back seat for them to sit in. And the safety of the car suddenly becomes a major issue. As does the reliability. (And, oh gosh, am I seriously thinking about being a mom someday?! Ack!) So suddenly my car search changed a little. Sunroof. CD player. Secure backseat. Room in the rear for a stroller. (Wait, what was that one?!)
So the car thing has made me think about the kid thing a little more, and while I’m sitting here at work today, not so thrilled with my job and not really sure what to do, and really wishing I was at home with Justin instead, I started thinking about what kind of job I’d like to have if/when (gah!) we have kid(s). Because it’s really likely that I’d much rather be at home than having to put the munchkin in daycare or something so I can go to work. But we like the financial flexibility that we have from a dual-income. And kids are dang expensive! If I had a job like my sister, it’d be great! You can totally teach piano from home while also taking care of a kid. I think. It seems likely anyway.
But what have I got? Not a whole lot, really. I think it’s time to find something. Like, what exactly does a professional organizer need to know? How does a person break into that industry?
It’s something worth thinking about. And I should probably explore a whole bunch of options. Because the kid possibility isn’t going to happen for another five years or so (hopefully!), but I’d like to have a foot firmly established before that time comes. Right now, I’m just sitting on my butt. It’s not how I want to be living.
And I’m pretty sure I’ve said that at least a few times before. So why haven’t I started yet?
P.S. Justin made me breakfast this morning. He had time because he didn’t have to get ready for work. He didn’t even really have to get up, but he did anyway, just to make me scrambled eggs and cinnamon toast. I’m a lucky lady!
P.P.S. Please try leaving a comment and let me know if it doesn’t work at kylene (at) inkingmythinking (dot) com. We’re trying to fix this problem. Thanks!
4 thoughts on “Yet another post about cars and careers and . . . wait a second . . . kids?”
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I have so many thoughts on your post. Being a mother gives me a little bit of authority to speak on the issue of having kids.
First of all, just because you want a car that has a backseat because of the possibility that you might want kids doesn’t mean that you are commited to having them. Does that make sense? Your post kind of sounds like, “I just discovered that I want a car that has a back seat. I think it’s because I don’t want to rule out the possiblity of kids. Oh no! I have to have a kid even though I don’t want one.” That’s kind of silly reasoning. If you still mostly DON’T want kids, I would stick with your original plan.
The sentence that really stuck out to me was this one:
“I think I might be willing to give it a try sometime.”
Now, you might have just thrown that sentence out there because it fit the style of what you were saying. I’ll give you that, but did you read it over again or say it out loud?
Becoming a parent isn’t something you “try out”. It’s a commitment that will last the rest of your life. You don’t get to test out a baby/toddler/teenager and then decide if you really are up for it.
I’m not sure what all your reasons have been for not wanting children, but if it’s just because you’re afraid. I can speak to that a little bit. I don’t know if it’s common to all women, but when I found out I was pregnant with Ethan, I had this sudden realization that it was no longer a hypothetical situation. It was too late to change my mind. I was going to have a child! And even though both of my children were very much planned and longed for, it still scared me. It’s natural to fear something that will completely turn your life upside down.
Having a child shocks your system like nothing I’ve yet experienced. I doubt there is anything else that has such an impact on daily life. Getting married is an adjustment, but it’s not like your spouse is dependent on you for their every need (they better not be)! People that don’t approach the decision about having a child with a little trepidation, might not have a very realistic view of it.
After reading your post, I started thinking about how God set up the whole pregnancy/childrearing process. God loves children. It’s clear from Scripture that children are special to Him. He made the process of conceiving them enjoyable almost as if he was trying to entice us to have babies (don’t quote my theology on this though)! Maybe God made parenting the way it is because it’s good for us to be in situations where we are forced to think about someone or something other then ourselves. It also fills a longing in all of us that longs to do something that will last for eternity. We were created for relationships and to be productive. Becoming parents plops a very good incentive to get your priorities in order literally in your lap.
Sorry to be so long-winded! I guess I have a few opinions on this!
Amy, I know that it’s not something you just try on for size and decide on later. Mostly, at that point, I was thinking about how Justin wants two and I only want one. But there’s also more.
I’m terrified of the idea of having kids, but I think that’s fairly normal if a girl has a clue about what’s coming. Yes, there are lots of great things about kids–they’re sweet and loving and amazing and really hard to explain, especially by someone who doesn’t have any.
But they’re also a heap of trouble. There’s the crying and rebellions and the tantrums and financial and emotional involvement. I really think that lots of girls think about having babies like they think of adopting a kitten. So sweet and soft and snuggleable. And they never think about how this kid’s going to turn into a teenager and want to borrow the car and go park somewhere with some girl or boy. It’s a completely life-altering thing–from now until you die, there’s this person who you’re responsible for, no matter what happens or how they turn out.
And you try your best and you pray and hope and just watch to see who they grow up to be. But it’s frightening to me, knowing that I’d be the reason that they’re here in the first place.
Anyway. I’ve come to realize that part of my being terrified is because I don’t want to do it all on my own. And for some stupid reason it took me until just recently to realize that Justin would be around for the whole thing, too. And that’s an enormous comfort!
I guess what I’m getting at is that having a kid isn’t a clear succeed/not-succeed thing. Sure, it’s not complicated getting pregnant, but raising a kid? Not nearly so easy. You try and try and try and try, and hope and pray and see what happens. So when I say I’m willing to give it a try, means that I’ll do my best, if or when we get pregnant. And I’ll try my hardest to raise the munchkin to be a good person.
But I’m still going to be scared that I’m going to screw up somehow. And I don’t think that’s an uncommon thought for any mother.
Your comment makes a lot of sense. I misinterpreted your original post by reading it with the idea that you really weren’t interested in having children.
Yep, kids are a heap of trouble. It’s one of those areas where I know that the only way I can do it, is with God’s help. And, as a parent, I will still make mistakes. Some little ones and some big ones.
I think you will be a great mother.
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